As much as I like video games and want to make them for a living, it is not healthy for me to play them for more than 3 or so hours a day.

I’m just not in the same mental world as I was in high school and before. I can’t sit here all day and do that. If I do, I get anxious and lose motivation.

I really must start the day with habits and rituals or else the rest of the day just kind of just goes on auto-pilot.

Auto-pilot has always been something I’ve struggled with and really only ever find solace from after moderate exercise.

I have a lot of distractions. I’m wired, like many around the country, to seek them out immediately when there is any kind of downside.

Instead of having some kind of thought, I let a screen shove stimulus into my head so that my brain doesn’t have to do any actual thinking.

Life is just the constant battle between the self, emotions, bodily urges, and your thoughts.

And your thoughts come from all of these sources but maybe come from the self like 20 minutes out of every day. And that’s when you make the decisions that really matter. The ones that can set a day on the right path after its hit a rough patch. And sometimes you go through the whole day without ever getting one of those moments of clarity and it sucks. And you say ‘oh well’ we’ll get it tomorrow.

Does typing all this even matter? I’ve thought it out loud. Do I have to look these entries over in the future and ponder them to really get some kind of sign that I’m growing and that the journaling is helping?

Or do I just need to be more aware of it as I go along?

As I sit here in silence a bit more after every line, I do believe I feel a bit more calm as the minutes pass by.

Maybe there is something to this after all.